Loud Loft

A New Score Card in town . . .

(orginally posted on my blog www.loudloft.blogs.com which now cross posts to my Facebook)

I've been approached privately by a few of the folks who I'm "friends" with on Facebook or who follow my twitter account or read my blog about my spiritual life. There has been some curiosity about what I believe and how I manifest those beliefs in my life. There has also been curiosity about the church that I attend. I also work at that church as Storyteller - which is our term for Director of Communications. Here's a stab at answering some of those questions.

I'm fortunate to have friends (both analog and digital) who represent pretty much the entire spectrum of spirituality. I am reassuringly uncomfortable in my own place among my journey. I've lived long enough to have figured some things out and long enough to know that there are things I will never figure out and also long enough to know that my beliefs will change over time. That last statement tends to raise a few eyebrows from some folks . . . so let me elaborate.

In the Christian vernacular there is the statement that many of you have heard, it's "I've been saved" or the question "are you saved?". This refers to the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ to "save" someone from eternal separation from God. Theologians write books on this idea - so I won't go there. However, fundamentally, those statements tend to focus on just the past tense. They refer to a point in time at which something "happened" in a person's life. History is a good thing as it gives context, but context alone is insufficient.

I prefer "I'm being saved". That is not to imply that the actual acceptance of Christ is a temporal event that occurs over time or that it is possible to begin and then reverse or to lose it. I do embrace a theology that is often termed the "once saved always saved" position. What I mean by the use of the word "being" is that "once saved" is just the beginning of my journey and not my destination.

In that context I'm "being saved" every day. I'm forced to live solely in the present. The past is behind me and out of my control. The future is before me and also out of my control.  Certainly the choices I made in the past have consequences today and in the future and the choices I make in the future will have consequences then . . . but NOW is the only time that I can make those choices. It's both simple and complex and that the dichotomy is one of the reasons that draw me to my faith.

So, all this is fine and dandy . . . but unless this manifests itself somehow in my life it's all just talk.

The church I attend is parish minded in the sense that it's far less about what happens inside our walls than outside. The inside is good, don't get me wrong - but if it's walled off and hidden behind facades it really does nobody any good.

I could go on but instead I would invite you to download this PDF and give it a whirl. It lays out ten key things that have to happen to make a significant impact on the community you live in. Yeah, it approaches it from a spiritual perspective . . . so I may have lost some of you. If so, humor me and at least read the ten topics that are highlighted in bold.

Those ten topics accurately paint a picture of what we are working toward.

Those ten topics present a much different "score card" than what most folks in the church biz have used in the past. I (and we) think it's a much needed change . . .

BTW If for some reason - the link to the file doesn't' come across when this cross posts to Facebook just wander over to www.loudloft.blogs.com and you will find it in this post

Seriously, I’m kidding . .

I was talking with a new neighbor the other day. They had just moved here from Nebraska with a job change and had bought a house down the street. The talk turned to the options available in the area for police, fire, EMT, school services and whatnot.

I told him that I went with the "high deductible, thirty minute response, felony only" police coverage. I’ve got several handguns placed strategically around the house and what with the external security camera system that I installed with my police coverage tax credit last year I just didn’t see the need to get the five minute response, armed home invasion rider. Seriously, I can protect myself - why should I pay for extra coverage? Besides, this is a gated community with armed guards and those cool concrete barriers at the entrances so that no one can bust through and gain access to the neighborhood.

We are careful around the house with open flames though. I decided to only get the "fully engulfed with flames, whenever we get there" coverage. I  selected the option that says that the fire department will swing by when they get a chance, connect up the hose to the hydrant and then hand it over to me to put out any flame ups.

However, I shared that the emergency medical response coverage was a little harder to choose.  I didn't tell him, but I do have a few health issues which would make it nice to go ahead and get the full ambulance coverage WITH a fully staffed crew. I told him that I was going to just go with the coverage where they call you a cab but my wife had a fit so I decided to pony up and go for the big ticket item.

When it came to the school services I told him that since we don’t have any kids it didn’t apply to me. Like I’m supposed to contribute to paying for education of kids who are not my own! What kind of country do you think I live in? I have heard that if you do opt in for school services that it’s better to go with 20:1 kids to teacher ratio than the much less expensive 40:1 ratio. Evidently there really is something to having a smaller student to teacher ratio that allows the kiddos to learn better. Whatever.

I hadn’t planned on bringing it up but he asked about the Armed Forces coverage. He said that since Kansas was a land locked state without any coastline he had never bought the Navy coverage. He was wondering what most folks do who live up here in North Texas. I told him that it was up to the folks in Houston, Beaumont, Galveston, Corpus Christi and such to pay for the protection of our coast line. For us here  . . . we might as well be in Oklahoma. That got a good laugh from him as he’s a huge Cornhusker fan and doesn’t like the Sooners. I told him that I did get the Army and Air Force coverage but opted out of the Coast Guard coverage. I know - they also handle all the “aids to navigation” on our rivers in addition to search and rescue operations on the coast . . . but I don’t go out on the lake or rivers and I would much rather spend my vacations in the mountains than at the beach, but that’s just me.

The last thing we discussed was whether to buy the full access toll road package or go with the cheaper limited access option. For me, the limited access choice was the one for me. I don’t get out of my neighborhood much and only have a few places that I go like the market, church and work. I don’t really care to mingle with folks that are different. Especially the ones who don’t seem to be able to afford much in the way of services. I mean, really, it’s their responsibility to provide for them selves. I’m not my brothers keeper, seriously?

You can imagine my shock when asked me  what kind of health care coverage I had bought for me and my family! I told him to go to #$%& and that it was none of his @#$% business what went on between me and my doctor.

He understood and apologized for bringing up such a sensitive and personal decision. I accepted his apology but. . . I don’t know about him now. I’m going to have to keep my eyes on him pretty darn close for awhile. There’s all kinds of weirdos with crazy ideas moving into the neighborhood. It’s not like it used to be . . .

Cash for clunkers . . .

I’ve heard some grumbling that the Cash for Clunkers program helped foreign car makers more than domestic car makers. The numbers sure show that Honda, Toyota, Nissan and Kia got proportionally more sales than GM, Ford and Chrysler. Some of that may be due to feelings of uncertainty about the financial viability of the domestic makers. While some of it might be that the buying public just happened to be more in the market for the present offerings of the foreign car makers.

Either way sales for all the car makers was up. A lot. Even the Detroit brands had to call folks back and open up assembly lines that had been closed or or were running at reduced capacity. It wasn’t a total disaster for Detroit.

I’ve owned two domestic makes in my life. One was a Ford Bronco that I bought from a friend and the other is nicely rebuilt 1963 Chevrolet pickup that I drive on the days when I don’t ride my motorcycle. I’ve owned a Volkswagen, a Honda, an Acura, a Mazda (a Miata which was a blast) and a bunch of Infiniti’s. Well there was a Plymouth Champ back in 1980 but it was really just a rebadged Mitsubishi . . . so I don’t know what to call it - except it was fun to drive :)

So the gripe is that the Cash For Clunker program benefited the foreign makes at the expense of Detroit. To the point that the program should have been limited to “just” Detroit brands since the US has so much invested in GM and Chrysler.

I see the benefit as reaching a lot farther than just Detroit though and let’s take one Nissan car as an example

For instance, the dock worker in Long Beach who offloaded that car benefited from the work. When it was loaded on to a rail car the railroad worker benefited. When it was offloaded from the rail car and put on a truck transporter the guy who drives the truck benefited. The folks who work at the truck stop benefited when he stopped to fill it up with diesel. The truck service shop benefited when it was brought in for maintenance.

When it arrived at the dealership, the lot technician who prepped the car for sale benefited. The salesman who sold the car benefited. The owner of the dealership benefited when the sale was made The technician in the shop benefited when it was brought in for service. Even the folks at the loan company who go in every day and process loans and send out those little envelopes each month benefited.

The folks at the tire shop and the car wash eventually benefited as did the folks at the company that distributes those little air fresheners that hang from the rear view mirror.

All these folks that benefited - they live down the street from you and I. They do their job, contribute to society and go home to their families (that sounds a bit sappy but you know what I mean). Each Cash for Clunker sale . . . even the ones that took place at the Nissan lot contributed to our economy and benefited many folks just like you and I.

Often times there is more to things than just what fits into a headline, a newspaper article or a 3:30 package on the news. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the entire picture.

Health Care . . .

I have to be honest. Until the past few months I was pretty ambivalent on the issue of health care reform. It wasn’t until I saw the now famous clips of the town hall meetings that caused me to consider how I felt about it.

To be clear, most of my friends, coworkers and family would be hard pressed to tag me as particularly conservative or liberal, Democrat or Republican  . . . and that’s exactly the way I want it. In fact, on several occasions my very liberal friends have tagged my as a wingnut, religious conservative and my very conservative friends have labeled my as a godless liberal. I fancy myself an “equal opportunity” offender to all types and classes, though that might be giving myself more credit than I deserve.

So faced with pondering where I might land on this I considered a couple of different trains of thought.

What does our Declaration of Independence say about such things? What does our Constitution say about such things? What does the Bible say about such things.

The Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

The nearest the Constitution gets to it is in Article 1, Section 8 which lists the powers of the federal government delegated to Congress.

The first one is “The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defense and general Welfare of the United States; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout the United States;”

The last item in Section 8 says “To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.”

To me, both of these documents indicate that the life of the people and the welfare of the country are an integral concern and responsibility of the government. Some will say that I’m either being too literal or too abstract in my conclusions and to be fair, both of of those arguments have merit. However the opposing arguments also serve to lend credence that either way you look at - this is still a vital part of two of the most important documents of our country.

I do have a right to a life that is healthy (what good is a life that isn’t) and you can not separate the welfare of the United States from the health (which effects the welfare) of it’s citizens.

I can’t begin to understand how this topic has become a political issue.  The health and welfare of citizens of the United States should be paramount to all political organizations. We go to great lengths and expense to provide for the defense of our country to protect our Liberty and we establish regulatory bodies to insure our right to pursue happiness.

We would never consider the privatization of our Armed Forces, our Police Departments or our Fire Departments to insure the life, liberty and welfare of our citizens. There is a well established precedent for the government's role in establishing regulatory bodies or programs to insure these for it’s citizens. I do have a right to a life that is healthy. The FAA regulates the aircrafts that fly above our heads, the FDA regulates the foods and drugs we consume and the SEC/FTC/FDIC/etc regulate the financial systems that enable our commerce to move forward  and that’s just to name a few. The list goes on . . .

As for the Bible, the Gospels tell us that one of the key issues that Jesus addressed was the life and welfare of people. Many of his miracles were the healing of a disability or illness. The book of Matthew is chock full of healing of all sorts and has that pesky chapter 25 beginning with verse 34.

(Bear with me on the following section - I thought about excerpting key passages but I didn’t want to appear to be taking anything out of context. If you’re familiar with the passage you will get the point right away. If not it - you might want to read it over a time or two. I also put in bold the key words that differentiate between the two scenarios that Jesus presents)


“Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

So, I have the Declaration of Independence declaring that we all have a right to Life, the Constitution gives the government the power to “provide for  . ..  the common welfare” and the Bible (well, actually it’s the words of Jesus) telling me that if I want to make the sheep/goat cut and claim my inheritance I’m supposed to look after the sick - along with the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger (which opens up an whole 'nuther can of worms) and to be generous with my possessions and my time.

Which leads me to conclude that the three most important documents in the history of mankind make a pretty big deal out of life, welfare and health. Given that, I really don’t have a choice in this matter.

Will we eventually get to the place where someone’s medical condition doesn’t dictate their financial state or their financial state doesn’t dictate the amount of care they receive for their medical condition? I think we will and I look forward to that day. I might not live to see it but who knows, maybe I will be surprised.

We can argue till the cows come home and I’m certain that in the end of this round of debate, legislation and voting nobody will be completely happy with the way things turn out. But, that’s the way politics go. On this topic I heard John McCain say, “you don’t go into legislation with a list of demands. you enter with a list of things you will concede”. That’s a pretty apt assessment from some one who has been around the block a few times and I respect his opinion.One significant “find” for me during this time has been stumbling across www.politifact.com and www.factcheck.org These are to political posturing and BS what www.snopes.com is to urban legends. They are non-partisan which is just a fancy way of saying that they are equally eager to call out the proponents AND opponents of health care reform when they stray from the facts. It has been interesting to see the great number of “half true” or “partly true” items that have shown up. The best lies are ones that have a mixture of truth in them :)

The United States is capable of showing it’s citizens the greatest of compassion, mercy and grace. There are models in other countries that we can learn from. We can improve on what others have put into place and not repeat their mistakes. We don’t have to settle for the pitfalls that others have experienced. Let’s use our wisdom and ingenuity to create a uniquely American system that provides for all.

I close with this quote from Winston Churchill which I interpret as both a gentle criticism and a rousing endorsement.

“ You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else.”

Update: Sometimes it takes a cartoon to explain things :)

You can’t spell Democracy without M-O-B . . . or can you?

As elected officials have been returning to their constituents and hosting town hall meeting, a funny thing has been happening, school board meetings have been breaking out.

I’m reminded of the quote from Mark Twain “God made the idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board”.  In this instance he was referring to the members of the school board but let’s go ahead and broaden the circle to also include the outraged parents.

If you every want to see angry adults act like children, go to a school board meeting when there’s some point of contention on the agenda. Sometimes it’s when attendance zones are changed, sometimes it’s when dirty books show up in the Library and sometimes it’s because the child of a parent was horribly wronged by being deprived of the chance to be on the cheerlead/drill team/sporting team/whatever. Funny how it’s rarely over cutbacks in school supplies, science labs, art classes or drama clubs. Yeah, funny, that’s the word.

So, the Democrats are mad at the Republicans for a “vast right-wing conspiracy” to disrupt the town hall meetings regarding the various health care reform legislation that is  working it’s way through the Capital. The Republicans claim that it’s no conspiracy but a grass roots movement of indignant citizens exercising their right to free speech.

It doesn’t matter either way because they are both full of #$%&. If the RNC and groups allied with the RNC aren’t marshaling the troops to pack the halls they are idiots. The DNC would do the same and certainly has done the same when the shoe was on the other foot. There is no shame in groups organizing together, banding together to present a unified front and agreeing on a common point of view. 

Likewise, when an elected official comes back to the place that they represent and holds a public meeting to allow his or her constituents a place to voice their opinion - they must do so with an expectation that not every body is going to be in agreement. That’s part of what makes the process work.

What doesn’t make the process work is the infantile behavior on display. These folks give the mob in the Frankenstein movies a bad name. They are behaving like children. No, they are behaving worse than children because they are old enough to know better. They are not interested in debate. Their goal is intimidation. It is an embarrassment to the Democracy and Liberty that they claim. Their behavior proves the old saying “never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups”. When children behave this way, we make them stop and go sit in a corner till they've calmed down and can act their age. What a fine example these adults are setting.

Belligerence is always the currency of the intellectually bankrupt. That statement holds true in the school yard, the prison yard and the front yard. It holds true for the most conservative and holds true for the most liberal. It transcends political party lines. It transcends ideological lines. It transcends theological lines. It has no place in our school board rooms or our town hall rooms. It has no place in the halls of our Capitol. It has no place in our moral fabric. It has no place in this discussion, period. Stop it.

The week in stupidity: Gates, Crowley, Obama and Rush.

You know I was thinking of starting a blog that picked out a few of the most egregious moments of stupidity and sharing my thoughts . . . and then considered that it would be a full time job with no reasonable source of revenue. So, I’ll just keep on with www.loudloft.blogs.com. That my blog entries get posted on Facebook as notes is just a plus.

Several years ago on his show, Chris Rock showed a clip that became known as the NYPD Training video. For the actual title . . . well, you’re on your own to find it but it’s out there floating around some of the more popular online video site <you-cough-tube-cough>. It definitely falls into the NSFW category (hey, it was a cable show, what do you expect) and it is as profane as it is profound.

I think of this video every time I hear of an instance of DWB (Driving While Black) or see an example of DWB.

Before you continue reading the rest of this post, find the video and watch it all the way through. The content and wise advice offered by Mr. Rock will play an important role in the rest of the post.

NOTE: I'm not responsible if you're ears are offended by the coarse and foul language of Mr Chris Rock. You've been warned. Of course now, if it was me, I would HAVE to watch it. I'm tricky that way, aren't I?

(Insert Jeopardy music here while waiting for you dear readers to find the video, watch it and make your way back)

Welcome back.

Let’s be clear on one thing. The arrest of the black guy in Cambridge was stupid. You can call it what ever you want. It might not have seemed stupid at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 and his arrest was stupid. In my previous employ, I edited hundreds of hours of training videos for the Law Enforcement community that was used to train LEO how to do everything from staying safe on a traffic stop to investigating meth labs. I’ve sat with training officers as they debated the finer points of crowd control, dealing with domestic disturbances and defusing hostile/volatile situations.

The right thing to do for the officer was to set aside whatever slurs and insults that was hurled his way (and I’m guessing a Harvard Professor should be able to conjugate the phrase “#$%& @#*” in various and creative ways) and once established that it was his house, wish him a good day and make himself  available for other calls.

If you’ve read the arrest report, which is easy to find online, you will read that the officer and Gates (a not happy guy who clearly doesn’t know when to shut it) were inside the house and after providing his name to Gates said to him “that if he had any other questions regarding the matter, I would speak with him outside of the residence”.

Did you know “disorderly conduct” is a misdemeanor charge that typically is only applicable for actions, words, etc that occur in a public place?  No? I didn’t think so. I would wager that Gates didn’t know this either. Would Officer Crowley? If he didn’t know, he’s got no business on the police force.

So Gates, follows the officer outside and the officer writes in his report “As I descended the stairs to the sidewalk, Gates continued to yell at me, accusing me of racial bias and continued to tell me that I had not heard the last of him. Due to the tumultuous manner Gates had exhibited in his residence as well as his continued tumultuous behavior outside the residence, in view of the public, I warned Gates that he was becoming disorderly. Gates ignored my warning and continued to yell, which drew the attention of both the police officers and citizens, who appeared surprised and alarmed by Gate’s outburst. For a second time I warned Gates to calm down while I withdrew my department issued handcuffs from their carrying case. Gates ignored my warning and continued to yell at me. It was at this time that I informed Gates that he was under arrest”.

You can read the entire report online if you want . . .

So, Gates was arrested for yelling at an officer from his porch and not shutting up when told to . . . seriously. There is no criminal action described by Crowley in his report. He was yelled at. That’s it.

Let’s recap. Officer responds to a possible break in, in progress. Finds an angry black man inside who clearly has never seen the Chris Rock NYPD training video. He goes inside, gets yelled at, is told that a complaint will be filed. Officer tells him that if he wants to continue his tirade to do so outside and then arrests him for continuing his tirade outside.

It’s no wonder the charges were dropped like a hot potato. It was an uncalled for arrest that wouldn’t hold water in court much less under the white hot scrutiny of adversarial parties.

So on to Obama. I was watching the press conference and was surprised at his comment that the department handled it “stupidly”. Even though that is what happened, that’s not a wise choice of words nor is it even an event that really warrants much commentary at all from a sitting President.

He made his “mea culpa” the next day and took his bully pulpit in the other direction and seems to have brokered a meeting between Crowley, Gates and himself.

Here’s the bottom line, this week there was enough stupidity to go around. Gates should have kept his mouth shut. Crowley should have done his job, then walked away. Obama should have dodged this hot potato question with a “don’t have all the facts and don’t care to comment” response.

The silver lining to this dark cloud is that some people are actually discussing what happened and it seems that Gates and Crowley might actually discuss it. I would hope that Gates leaves with a greater understanding of the pressures that LEO’s face every day going in to situations where they have to be on “high alert” and that Crowley leaves with a real world experience that people of color in this country start the game with a handicap. You, dear reader, should do the same . . .

For anyone to deny that either one of those situations exist tells me that there is yet one more hole in the sand plugged with someone’s head.

As for Rush. He stated that “the press has met it’s Waterloo and it’s Obama”. He’s referring to the media tossing their journalistic integrity out the window by not holding him to a critical standard . . . more or less.

Rush missed the mark by a couple of decades and it happened way before the current crop of most of the folks in the media were even interns. Many media outlets (hard to even call them news outlets these days) threw their integrity under the bus when their corporate fathers decided that revenue trumped the traditional role of the free press. The Waterloo was when it became apparent to the corporation that more soap could be sold by speaking to the political leanings of the viewers as opposed to presenting an unbiased account.

I learned very early in my brief time in “the media” that when there are two sides to a story (and there almost always are) the true test that you’ve meet your journalistic obligation is that after the story has aired or been printed - you get an equal number of complaints from both sides. In other words, if you’ve pissed off everybody - you’ve done your job.

I submit that MSNBC and Fox (the poster children for taking a political side) would flip positions in a heart beat if they thought they could attract a bigger audience.

It seems that the folks who watch MSNBC agree with the stance taken by that network. It appears that the folks who watch Fox concur with the positions taken by that organization. I’m dumbfounded by this. I read a variety of newspapers that I often wholeheartedly disagree with. I read blogs that make me hang my head in wonder as to how the writer to came to their conclusion.

I do draw the line at watching either of the TV news outlets that I mentioned above. I would rather have a colonoscopy than sit through an hour of Paula Maddow, Glen Beck, Keith Olberman, Bill O’Reilly, Chris Mathews or Sean Hannity. At least with a colonoscopy you get great drugs and you can play “pull my finger” with the nurses for about an hour after you wake up.

A single voice as your “source” of news is, ummm, what’s the word? Oh yeah, stupid.

Great, now I will have to post an entry tomorrow apologizing for using the word “stupid”.

Hey everybody, hold your breath :)

Thoughts on Michael Jackson . . .

Yeah, like the world/blogosphere needs any more written about Michael Jackson. I had decided that everything I wanted to say had been said . . . and that there was plenty of things said that I would never say myself, but it’s my blog and my mind and I can change both if I want to.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Michael Jackson. He’s not really my style of musician and artist but I’ve a great deal of respect for his talent and for the role he’s played over the last 30 years in music.

One of the first 45’s I bought was a Jackson Five single. I don’t  recall which song it was but it was probably either “ABC” or “I’ll Be There” so that tells you how far back I go. A few years later I was there when MTV came onto the scene and spent far too much time watching music videos and what not. I appreciated his music videos then as much for their production value as for the songs. He clearly paid homage to the Jets versus the Sharks from West Side Story in "Bad", to Fred Astaire in "Smooth Criminal" and simply broke new ground with "Black or White".

My beautiful bride is a a fan of Janet Jackson and has several of her CD’s so that’s been the lion’s share of my exposure to the Jackson’s recently but we did sit down the other day and run the Michael Jackson catalog on iTunes and downloaded thirty or so songs. I loaded them on her iPod and on mine so that we could give them a listen.

The other day, on my daily walk, what struck me was the recurring theme of gentleness, grace and love that ran through the songs. I’m sure that there are songs in the catalog that are more harsh. With the vast number of songs he delivered there would have to be. Still, I was a bit taken aback by the tone and vibe that he consciously and deliberated displayed in his music.

The love songs were not gratuitous and the social commentary songs were generally characterized by reconciliation and generosity. There are exceptions to be sure . . . but given the strident nature of most contemporary music I was surprised by the gentle tone and grace put forth by this artist. It was also easy to see how his style and tone could appeal to both male and female fans. His asexual persona enabled him to not be a threat to either sex and it clearly expanded his appeal

I’ve always appreciated many different styles of music that are not necessarily in the direction of my default taste. His music is lush with layers of sounds and incredibly well produced. Still, you can track his growth as an artist from his early “Off the Wall” release on through “Thriller”, “Bad” and “Dangerous”.

As the years went on his dancing set the standard for modern popular dance and he continued to break ground with his extraordinary talent. I was never a fan of all the crotch grabbing. I don’t know why that’s so disturbing but I was much more disturbed by the incessant junk adjustment by the president of a company that I worked for back in the 90's. I’m serious folks, when this guy stood up to address the company, he couldn’t keep his hands off his twigs and berries. If you made a drinking game where you had to slam a shot every time he played pocket pool you would be hammered in less than ten minutes and suffering from alcohol poisoning if you stayed in the game for thirty minutes. This was an upper class, middle age white guy who had no dance skills what so ever . . . ewwww.

Anyway,

Best I can tell, amongst the six billion or so folks walking upright on this rock, there are a large number of folks who could be tagged as “regular guys”. Given that six billion number I just tossed out, there are likely to also be a good number (though much less than the regular guy crowd) of “off the chart genius guys”. However the overlap of those two groups of “Regular Guy/Off The Chart Genius Guys” is practically nil.

Michael Jackson WAS NOT a regular guy. He WAS an off the chart genius guy. I don’t know if he was  guilty of the charges made against him. He didn’t appear to have  matured past the little boy stage in his private life. He barely made it much farther in his public life.

I don’t know what personal demons he struggled with. I didn’t have a father like Joe Jackson who seems to be wrestling with dementia these days and who, by most accounts, was a tough task master who never displayed love or affection to his children. Everybody has to account for their own choices but shackling a child with the chains of dysfunction that was said to exist in the Jackson family seems to have impaired Michael Jackson’s view of what is appropriate.

Personally, I don’t think he ever progressed past the “sleep over” phase in regards to his approach to friendships with children. Still, he will be judged by his actions and by his intentions by the most fair of judges and with that . . . I will be content.

His life is over now. I hope that his family will make honorable choices and appreciate Michael Jackson for the good things of his life, his rich legacy of art and for his gentle demeanor.

I grieve for his family and for his children. His young daughter’s brief address to the audience of her love for her father and her broken heart is what stays with me . . . how could it not with you?

Mystical Music Musings

Tommy and I were standing on our chairs and had been screaming at the top of lungs at each other for the last ninety minutes. Finally, at one point, we reached out, grabbed the front of the others shirt and began pounding each other in the chest. We couldn’t be more ecstatic . . .

What I thought were aircraft landing lights (but I learned later that they were banks of lights commonly used on film sets to recreate sunlight) had just lit the darkness and had blinded us. The sound was so overwhelming that I couldn’t hear myself no matter how loud I yelled. It was the last song of the concert. We were on the fourth row directly in front of Pete Townsend. In addition to the deafening PA sound system, Pete had three sets of 200 watt amps on stage. Each set had two cabinets with four twelve inch speakers each. You could feel the music as much as hear it.

Won’t Get Fooled Again was at it’s crescendo. It’s that point in the song right after the synthesizer/organ bridge, Keith Moon starts beating the #$%* out of his drums, Roger Daltry screams yyeeeeaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!, John Entwistle hits a bass note that sounds like a jet engine at full throttle, Townsend strikes a massive chord on the guitar and the lighting guy fries the retinas of the crowd with those freakin’ bright lights.

It was November, 1975. Tommy and I had worn out numerous album copies of The Who Sell Out, Tommy, Live at Leeds, Who’s Next and Quadrophenia but this was the first time for us to see The Who live. They were all about 30 years old, so still young enough to hit it hard and old enough to really know what they doing. Tommy and I were 18 and freshmen in college. Without knowing it at the time, by pummeling each other, we had invented slam-dancing which later evolved into moshing. Who knew we were such innovators? At the time it was just the emotion, testosterone and energy of our youth manifesting it self the only way it could. I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for soccer hooligans every since.

Anyway, that all happened nearly 34 years ago and I can still recall every nuance of the moment. Every time I hear the song (yeah, I watch CSI Miami just for the open) I clench my fists just a little and wag my head to the beat.

A few years later in 1983, while watching MTV, a video comes on of a live concert in the rain at Red Rocks amphitheater in Colorado. The rain is coming down hard, the band is soaked, the crowd is soaked and the cameras are getting drenched. It was U2 doing Sunday Bloody Sunday. Towards the end of the song someone hands Bono a pole that has a white piece of cloth tied on. It’s not a white flag of surrender in the sense of being defeated. It’s a white flag of obedience. It’s a white flag representing the purity of an unblemished sacrifice. He waves it over the crowd as the steam rises off his back and sings “The real battle just begun/to claim the victory Jesus won/on Sunday Bloody Sunday.” The torches in the distance, the shafts of light cutting thru the night rain and the crimson tint of the rocks makes this an iconic image that causes it to be listed as one of the fifty moments that changed the history of rock and roll.

Nineteen years later on 2/2/2002 at the half time performance of the Super Bowl, at the end of Where The Streets Have No Name, after the names of the victims of the tragedy of 9/11 have scrolled across the scrim, Bono pulls his jacket open to reveal another flag sown into the lining. It’s an image etched into the ethos of our culture. Though it's associated with a tragedy that touched the lives of millions - it represents a determination and courage that mere words spoken or written on paper can never convey.

For me, music has a power and mystery that I Can’t Explain (if you know your Who songs you will get the pun). I’m not a musician. I can’t sing. In fact, in those places where people are expected to sing along (often times this is during Church) I make it a point to not sing with the crowd and it’s not just because I have a crappy voice. I’m enthralled with the swirling sound of music and people singing and it diminishes the depth of feeling when I add my voice. Yeah, I know, if every body felt the way I do . . . there would be nothing to listen to. But, every body doesn’t feel the way I do - so drop it.

I love to feel music when I listen to it. I love music that is on the ragged edge. However, I do have favorite artists that don’t sound like bombs going off. I enjoy the sensitive song writer genre and James Taylor, Jackson Browne, Randy Newman are some of my favorites along with many others styles of music. Fatboy Slim, Modest Mouse and even trashy European techno/dance has a place in my heart.

But back to the music that peels paint and makes your ears ring the next day.

Lola by The Kinks was the first record I ever bought and yes, it was a 45 rpm single and I paid way less than a buck for it back in 1970. I would have been about 13 years old so a song about gender confusion was just what I needed at the time :)

Lola shares a characteristic with another Who song, Baba O’Riley in that when performed live in concert, the crowd sings along on certain sections. For Lola, the audience sings Lo Lo Lo Lo Lola on the chorus and on Baba O’Riley the crowd drowns out Pete on "Don't cry/don't raise your eye/it's only teenage wasteland". Those are the few times that I feel like singing along with the band.

I always come back to the snarling, chain saws on sheet metal, distorted, amped up, sweat slinging, spit flinging music that made Tommy and I want to beat the #$%&* out of each other . . .  in a brotherly love sort of way. We tend to build walls, dig moats and bury land mines around our emotions. I think that’s the reason these “over the top/this one goes to eleven” situations cut deep into the hearts of so many of us.

Tommy is 52 now and I will be too in just a few months. We’ve been friends since August of 1970 when we both showed up in home room on the first day of 7th grade. I always sat near him since my last name is Buchanan and his last name is Byrd. He still calls me Billy and even though I call him Tom - he will always be Tommy to me.

In August of 2000 he came for a visit. I had tickets for us to see The Who at Reunion Arena. Moon had died of a drug overdose many years ago and Ringo Starr’s son, Zach Starkey had replaced him on drums. The band was in their mid 50’s and they didn’t jump and leap about as much as they did the first time we saw them . . . neither did Tommy or I.

But, we still stood on our chairs, sang along on Baba O’Riley and made fools of ourselves, but this time we just punched our fists in the air  . . . we bruise a lot easier these days.

What, Me Worry? Dreams I'll Never See . . .

Just one more mornin'
I had to wake up with the blues
Pulled myself outta bed, yeah
Put on my walkin' shoes,
Went up on the mountain,
To see what I could see,
The whole world was fallin',
Right down in front of me.

[chorus]
cause I'm hung up on dreams I'll never see, yeah baby.
Ahh help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me, yeah.

Pull myself together, put on a new face,
Climb down off the hilltop, baby,
Get back in the race.

[chorus]

Pull myself together, put on a new face,
Climb down off the hilltop, baby,
Get back in the race.

[chorus]

Ok, it’s not Shakespeare or Tom Wolfe, Truman Capote or Kurt Vonnegut but I literally grew up listening to this song. It was the second track on side two of The Allman Brothers Band album (that was both the name of the album and the name of the band - they were either real economical with names or not very creative, I have to go with the former because . . . well, they sort of invented and dominated an entire genre of music). It was the longest song on the album at 7:19 and the music dominates the lyrics if you catch my drift.

They were known for stretching out a song. Considering that the live versions of Whipping Post clocked in at 22:53 and Mountain Jam ran 33:39 you just have to believe that for the brothers, it is was more about the music than the words. That’s ok with me and it seemed to work ok for the Grateful Dead and later for a little band from Vermont called Phish.

But anyway . . .

One of the more interesting side effects of this medicine that I’m taking is vivid dreams. Now I couldn’t find that specific terminology listed as a side effect but I’m certain the Doctor who gave me the prescription used those words . . . and if she didn’t, well it makes a much better story if she did, so there.

So, either way, I’ve been having the most vivid dreams lately, including the one that centers on the mythology that if you die in your dream . . . you will die right then in real life. I’m here to dispute that myth.

I won’t go into the whole dream sequence because, well it’s dream and most of it didn’t make much #$%&* sense. The end of the dream found me in a very tall building looking out over the city. I had to be at least 20+ stories in the air. There was a beast (let’s call it a lion) that was roaming the floors inflicting the most excruciating pain as it found people in it’s path. It wasn’t roaring or tearing them limb from limb or anything that you might expect an angry lion to do. In fact, it was quite nonchalant as it wandered around, but when it found you . . . it was bad, real bad.

To save a bunch of folks the agony and suffering at the hands of this beast I had convinced them to hop on this trolley (remember this is a dream so it doesn’t have to make sense) and had steered it thru a window causing everybody to plummet to their death 20 stories below.

Seriously, compared to the horror, suffering and pain that the lion was handing out, falling that distance to a quick splat at the end was a merciful option.

I was still standing at the now shattered window (for some reason I had jumped off the trolley right before it crashed thru) and watched the lion as it ambled towards me. I turned to face the skyline thru the open window and stepped off the edge.

As I fell, I leaned back to the point that all I could see was the blue sky above me and the sides of the buildings on either side slipping by as I rushed towards the ground.

I thought how beautiful the sky was and wondered what I would feel when I hit. And. Then. Bang. Everything went black as I felt the first feeling of impact with the concrete. The first thing I thought was “wow, that didn’t hurt at all. I guess the impact was so severe and sudden that my passing from consciousness to  . . . well, whatever it was I was feeling now was so sudden that I didn’t really have time to feel anything at all. Mercy.

Remember, I’m still asleep and dreaming. I didn’t wake up just before I hit. I didn’t wake up just after I hit. I kept right on dreaming.

The first shock was the sense of peace. I thought “this is it? This is what dead feels like? What the #@$% is everybody so afraid of? This is nice.”

I didn’t see any bright lights or hear trumpets or find myself staring into the face of God and much to my dismay . . . I woke up right about then.

Here’s the deal. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe in Heaven. I believe that Hell is, at least, separation from God. So maybe I had to wake up right then because I wasn’t dead. Maybe it was just my vivid imagination (and I do have one) picking plot lines and story elements from the storehouse of movies, books and shows I’ve seen over the last 51+ years and weaving all those parts together to entertain me while I was sleeping.

I don't have a clue. I don’t care.

What I came away with was that death is not the end of things, it’s how you get to the next thing. I believe that next thing for me is community with God and that even my most vivid imagination and all the most vivid imaginations of all of the most creative minds in the world all gathered together in one place will not be able to describe it.

So - I will leave you with these words from brother Gregg Allman.

Pull myself together, put on a new face,
Climb down off the hilltop, baby,
Get back in the race.

Preach it Gregg. The living is in the race . . .

What, me worry? update.

So, it’s been a couple of weeks since I last posted about my new journey into the world of anti-depressant medications. Well, it sucks and it’s the best thing ever.

Those contradictory statements are explained below.

The first medication that was given to me by my Doctor was Lexapro. This medicine works great for a vast segment of the population. This medicine sucks for me. If you go to any of the various sites that have information about Lexapro and read the side effects . . .  I rang the bell for all of them.  Sadly, I also received none of the benefits. The details of the side effects are a bit too personal and gross even for me (shocking news I’m sure) but if you venture out and find that list you will know what I mean.

So, I call the Doctor and give her the bad news that I’m experiencing all the negative side effects and none of the benefits and after a lengthy discussion of all the options we settle on Wellbutrin as my next drug of choice.

It’s worth pointing out that I’m not bummed that I have to take this medication but it’s also a bummer (and a bit of a blow to the old ego) that I can’t just beat this situation on my own. That’s just my pride talking along with an inherent stereotype that is a disturbing side effect of the remnants of our “Marlboro Man” culture.

I started on a low dose for a week and then moveed up up to a full dose. Holy $#&%, this stuff is all that and a bag of chips!!!. Not only are the crappy side effects from the Lexapro gone but I actually seem able to function better (Lisa confirms the functioning better part so it’s not just self induced hysteria . . . though there’s nothing wrong with that).

I can actually feel something now. When I was describing the side effects to my Doctor, she said that most folks would rather feel sad than feel nothing at all and she’s totally and completely right. On Lexapro I couldn’t feel anything. It was even more difficult to engage with my surroundings. I had trouble making decisions. My memory was horrible. My libido had left the building and those are just the least troubling side effects. Lisa described me as reminding her of Ozzy Osbourne without the mumbling . . .

Now I can actually engage with life around me. I tend to be a bit dark in my humor but I am also quite optimistic about life in general and those traits have returned. My libido has returned (pray for Lisa, I’m being a bit of a pest, I fear) and I actually found myself laughing out loud. It helps that the ABC show Wipeout has returned for the summer. I’ve actually fallen out of a chair laughing at the wonderful folks who submit themselves to the task of navigating these obstacle courses. I grew up watching the Three Stooges and The Road Runner and this show is simply those precepts in the real world.

Lisa and I have taken some time off and it’s been a great time to rest and relax. We’ve stayed in a nice place in different surroundings. Had some great meals and generally just enjoyed each other’s company. It’s been wonderfully and very timely for me. I’ve read a half dozen books recently. I’ve caught up on dozens of bloggers that I follow and also spent time just vegging out.

I don’t really know how long I will continue on the Wellbutrin. The initial thought by my counselor was to give it a whirl for six to nine months and then wean myself off so we will see how that goes. Right now, I’m a big fan of it’s effects and how it’s enabled me to rise from the mire and reengage with my surroundings. I owe that to Lisa, to my friends, to my family and to my job.

More to come . . .

FOOTNOTE: There is a popular quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”.

Sadly, there is no evidence that Ben was a big fan of beer. However, Ben was a big fan of wine and in a 1779 letter to Andre Morellet, a French economist he did say, “Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards; there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy”.

You really do need to read the entire letter so click HERE if you want to go and check it out for yourself.

Still, given Ben’s good sense and appreciation for the basic and fundamental issues of life I feel justified in abridging his quote and modifying it so.

“Beer (and Wellbutrin) is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy”