So, it’s been a couple of weeks since I last posted about my new journey into the world of anti-depressant medications. Well, it sucks and it’s the best thing ever.
Those contradictory statements are explained below.
The first medication that was given to me by my Doctor was Lexapro. This medicine works great for a vast segment of the population. This medicine sucks for me. If you go to any of the various sites that have information about Lexapro and read the side effects . . . I rang the bell for all of them. Sadly, I also received none of the benefits. The details of the side effects are a bit too personal and gross even for me (shocking news I’m sure) but if you venture out and find that list you will know what I mean.
So, I call the Doctor and give her the bad news that I’m experiencing all the negative side effects and none of the benefits and after a lengthy discussion of all the options we settle on Wellbutrin as my next drug of choice.
It’s worth pointing out that I’m not bummed that I have to take this medication but it’s also a bummer (and a bit of a blow to the old ego) that I can’t just beat this situation on my own. That’s just my pride talking along with an inherent stereotype that is a disturbing side effect of the remnants of our “Marlboro Man” culture.
I started on a low dose for a week and then moveed up up to a full dose. Holy $#&%, this stuff is all that and a bag of chips!!!. Not only are the crappy side effects from the Lexapro gone but I actually seem able to function better (Lisa confirms the functioning better part so it’s not just self induced hysteria . . . though there’s nothing wrong with that).
I can actually feel something now. When I was describing the side effects to my Doctor, she said that most folks would rather feel sad than feel nothing at all and she’s totally and completely right. On Lexapro I couldn’t feel anything. It was even more difficult to engage with my surroundings. I had trouble making decisions. My memory was horrible. My libido had left the building and those are just the least troubling side effects. Lisa described me as reminding her of Ozzy Osbourne without the mumbling . . .
Now I can actually engage with life around me. I tend to be a bit dark in my humor but I am also quite optimistic about life in general and those traits have returned. My libido has returned (pray for Lisa, I’m being a bit of a pest, I fear) and I actually found myself laughing out loud. It helps that the ABC show Wipeout has returned for the summer. I’ve actually fallen out of a chair laughing at the wonderful folks who submit themselves to the task of navigating these obstacle courses. I grew up watching the Three Stooges and The Road Runner and this show is simply those precepts in the real world.
Lisa and I have taken some time off and it’s been a great time to rest and relax. We’ve stayed in a nice place in different surroundings. Had some great meals and generally just enjoyed each other’s company. It’s been wonderfully and very timely for me. I’ve read a half dozen books recently. I’ve caught up on dozens of bloggers that I follow and also spent time just vegging out.
I don’t really know how long I will continue on the Wellbutrin. The initial thought by my counselor was to give it a whirl for six to nine months and then wean myself off so we will see how that goes. Right now, I’m a big fan of it’s effects and how it’s enabled me to rise from the mire and reengage with my surroundings. I owe that to Lisa, to my friends, to my family and to my job.
More to come . . .
FOOTNOTE: There is a popular quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”.
Sadly, there is no evidence that Ben was a big fan of beer. However, Ben was a big fan of wine and in a 1779 letter to Andre Morellet, a French economist he did say, “Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards; there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy”.
You really do need to read the entire letter so click HERE if you want to go and check it out for yourself.
Still, given Ben’s good sense and appreciation for the basic and fundamental issues of life I feel justified in abridging his quote and modifying it so.
“Beer (and Wellbutrin) is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy”
Comments