Loud Loft

To be clear . . .

To Be Clear . . .

I am an evangelicalliberalnondenominationalprogressivedemocratrecoveringbaptist, follower of Jesus.

To be clear, in the preceding sentence, the mashup labels to the left of the commanotafullstop account for 00.0001% of what I believe and/or value.

To be clear, I did not vote for Obama in the last Presidential election, I voted for McCain because he was running on the “grumpy old man with a nutty, loose cannon sidekick” platform and it seemed like the movie made in the later years after his presidency would be a hoot and I also voted for Bush 43 both times and Clinton 42 both times but I don’t recall voting for Bush 41 because, while turning out to be a pleasant old man he’s about as uninspiring of a candidate as there ever was, and I know I didn’t vote for Reagan 40 simply because there was no way I could support someone who used that much Brylcreme while I do seem to recall voting for the Rev. Reggie Jackson during that time frame because he was entertaining to listen to . . . wait, that might have been the Rev. Jesse Jackson, I’m thinking of, but I will be voting for him this next election.

To be clear, the part on the right side of the commanotafullstop in the sentence way up above account for the other 99.9999% of what I believe and/or value.

To be clear, by follower of Jesus, I mean that I buy the entire package, the virgin birth, the son of God, the substitutionary sacrifice, the cross, the death, the kicking death’s ass resurrection, the physical appearance post resurrection, the feet leaving the ground ascension, the one day when he’s good and ready, feet touching the ground return, the kicking satan in the nuts and His restoration of this tiny little bit of His creation to it’s glory as described in the bible, especially the last part as described by John who was clearly doing ‘shrooms with whatever passed for that era’s equivalent of vodka and Red Bull on a who knows how long bender.

To be clear, I believe the bible is an accurate representation of everything that God wants us to know about Him, His story, His plan and whatever else He thinks is relevant to our life both here and in the here after and that there are a lot of parts He intentionally left out because we are too @%#&* simple minded to comprehend them in this dimension without our head popping like a watermelon tossed from the top of the Ed Sullivan Theatre ala David Letterman.

To be clear, I accept it with all it’s weird parts, hard to understand parts, seemingly contradictory parts, parts that I would have left out if it was up to me because I don’t agree with them, the parts that I’m glad he left in because I do agree with them, especially the parts where all the critical characters are so screwed up that I can relate to at least some part of the stupid, careless, selfless, egotistical, self serving things that they do and that there are no flawless bible “hero’s” and that makes it very relevant to me and my life and my #$%& up’s and that there are lots of bible “hero’s” that redeem themselves and their faith by doing the right thing thru being, well mostly, just by being obedient and humble.

To be clear, I am occasionally obedient and humble but all the other time I’m a recovering douche bag who struggles with narcism and various other not so pleasant characteristics and would not be even as obedient and humble as I am without the mercy, grace and strength I get from being a follower of Jesus.

To be clear, I’m done with all the run on sentences and the wordmashupsthataredifficultto read . . . at least for now.

I hope I’ve made myself clear.

Carry on.

Do You Exist?

If you go see a movie this weekend - please consider going to see Blue Like Jazz. I'm a big fan of the book and the movie (which I've had the pleasure of seeing twice in pre-release screenings). It's time to show Hollywood that intelligent movies can be made that portray the struggle that often occurs when real people wrestle with real faith. It's time to show that there is a real audience for art that doesn't sugar coat faith and wrap it all up at the end in a nice package and a pretty bow.

Support Blue Like Jazz with your actions AND with whatever it costs in your town to see a movie. It's not about Blue Like Jazz making millions of dollars or breaking records. It's about letting folks know that it's OK to struggle with your faith, it's OK to ask questions and that it's OK to not fit a cookie cutter template of someone else's idea of what a Christian looks like, talks like or acts like.

I've copied and pasted below an email that I recieved this morning from Steve Taylor, the director.

Do You Exist?

I love our distributor, Roadside Attractions.  They've released Oscar nominated films like Winter's Bone, Margin Call and Biutiful. They were the first distributor we screened for, they've got a reputation for both honesty and good taste, and they're genuine fans of Blue Like Jazz.  

But at our L.A. screening last week at the Pasadena Arclight, the co-president of our distributor made a telling comment afterwards—something to the effect of, "Wow, Steve. I have to admit I was a bit surprised at the crowd. This was a youthful-looking, hip audience with intelligent questions during the Q&A. This is a lot like the audience for our other movies." 

While I appreciated his candor, it underscored both the joy and frustration of bringing "Blue Like Jazz" to the screen. 

We've been trying to tell people for six years that you exist. That there's an audience for an intelligent, well-crafted movie made by Christians that takes issues of faith seriously. No, we are by no means the first. But neither is it overstating the case to say that this weekend, April 13th, is a defining moment, as the success or failure of Blue LIke Jazz at the box office can determine for years to come whether or not like-minded projects get funded. 

I have friends in Hollywood who love the movie. But they're trying to prep me for disappointment.  

Our PR team has done a superb job. But they can't get coverage from key press outlets, because the national press simply doesn't believe Blue Like Jazz will register more than a blip at the box office. 

And then, of course, there's the Christian Movie Establishment, who may well be literally praying that you don't exist. 

Do you exist? 

We know we've got a record-breaking 4500 Kickstarter backers. We know we've got a record-breaking 1500 Civil Disobedience Street Teamers. We know we've had full houses at sneak previews from coast to coast. 

But can we sell tickets this weekend - the weekend of April 13th? 

We've had an historic series of events leading up to this moment. 

But there's only one way to finish this story. 

This is the week we need all our friends to join us in a nationwide "get out the vote" campaign. The theater list will be finalized today. (We'll be expanding to other cities the following weekend.) Fandango will be selling advance tickets on either Tuesday or Wednesday (depending on the theater chain). And we need you to use all your communication tools to help Blue Like Jazz have an historic opening weekend at the box office. 

These are exciting days as we count down to Friday. More to come... 

Steve

Real life. Real questions. Real good.

Blue Like Jazz starring Marshall Allman and Claire Holt.

One of the few movies that get's it right when it comes to portraying one man's struggle coming to terms with what exactly he "does" believe. I've seen two pre-release screenings (one last summer and the other on 3/21/12 here in Dallas. There are multiple scenes that stick with you.

For sure the confession booth is stunning as we watch both Don and the Pope come to terms with what they believe and get a better understanding of what it is exactly they do believe and why.

One other scene that stuck with me from both screenings was when Lauren crawls into bed with Don, broken hearted over finding out that her "crush" was actually straight after all. It was touching, real, funny and snarky all at the same time.

The movie is quite tame by "Hangover/Bridesmaids" standards but pushes the envelope for what will be tagged in some circles as a "Christian" film. Just don't put this in with "Fireproof" or "Courageous" and certainly not in with the "Left Behind" series. This is far more along the lines of the great Robert Duvall films "Tender Mercies" and "The Apostle".

Yep, they drink, they barf, the use a few words that fall into the category of "swear" words. There is nothing gratuitous or out of place with their use. If anything, they pull their punches several times. If you don't think so, then you're hanging out with a pretty straight laced crowd :)

So, the movie opens nationwide April 13 and the soundtrack comes out the next day (did I mention that the music and soundtrack is really, really good?). If you want to support a movie that asks honest questions about faith, God, beliefs and doesn't shove the answer down your throat, this is the movie to pay full price for and go see. 

Take some friends. Especially take friends who have a big problem with God, the Church and Christians . . . you will have plenty to talk about afterwards over a few pints.

Percussive therapy

I'm helping with a remodeling project over the holidays. Today was the first day which means demolition!!!

The way this plays out is I get to say one of my most favorite phrases "Cletus, fetch me the sledge". 

Actually I had to fetch the sledge myself - but I still said it because it just feel good as it trips off my tongue. With sledge in hand I ran thru the names of every person who was a &$@?! to me this past year and took a  swing at each name.  They were mighty John Henry/Paul Bunyan swings too. 

For those who's names I could not recall I nicked the "Tomb of the Unknown Soldier" idea and took a few swings for the unknown &$@?! who crossed my path. 

I'm home now and need to find one of those wacky mini whirlpool tubs that I see pitchers use after a game. I've got the big wrap on my elbow and shoulder and I've rubbed some bio-freeze all over my arm from my wrist to my neck. It's all worth it though.  

The Chief Engineer at the TV Production facility where I used to work was a big believer in percussive maintenance. That's when the piece of gear you are using isn't working properly and you call an Engineer for help.  He would come over and depending on the size of the item either pick it up and slam it on the counter or slap it upside it's head.  It's alway made me laugh, especially when it fixed the problem. 

Taking a five pound sledge and working thru a list of $&@?! is incredibly therapeutic, give it a try. I heartily recommend it.

 

Yep, that makes me a . . .

Are there times when what would be considered good, positive, profitable are actually not? Specifically I'm thinking about the directions that peoples lives take, even the direction the country takes. Yes, I'm pondering some of this due to the run up to the elections next year.

I hear from the conservative side of the aisle a desire to "take the country back". From the liberal side I hear . . . well, I'm not sure how to characterize their position. The natural "opposite" to taking something back would be to push something forward?

The definition of a conservative as found in the Merriam Webster dictionary is; an adherent or advocate of political conservatism; a member or supporter of a conservative political party; one who adheres to traditional methods or views; a cautious or discreet person.

Likewise, old Merriam and Webster calls a liberal; one who is open-minded or not strict in the observance of orthodox, traditional, or established forms or ways: a member or supporter of a liberal political party; an advocate of liberalism especially in individual rights.

M&W define a progressive as; one believing in moderate political change and especially social improvement by governmental action.

As for what defines a libertarian, the good folks at M&W go with: an advocate of the doctrine of free will; a person who upholds the principles of individual liberty, especially of thought and action.

Hmmm . . . I'm a cautious and discreet person, I'm open-minded and certainly not strict about hardly anything at all, I believe in social improvement by governmental action and I believe that free will is the determining factor that separates mankind from all the "other" animals and beasts of the world

So that makes me a conliberprogresterian . . . crap, what do I do with that?

There's not much that I've seen in this world in my 54 years, as it relates to this country, that I want to "take back". Times were good if you were a white male but if you fell into any other demographic you were rolling a big ball up hill. So that's certainly the liberal in me talking. When it comes to the observance of orthodox, traditional or established forms or ways, I have a great appreciation for many of those things (except the ones that I just mentioned in regards to race or gender) and I enjoy history as much as the next guy so there's the conservative voice in my head speaking. I believe that both the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution paint a very clear picture that the government has a mandate to manifest the right of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, to form a more perfect union, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty so there's the progressive point of view. I'm a big fan of free will, but I understand that all choices have consequences so that covers my libertarian streak.

For most of my life that's made me an equal opportunity offender. I've never really fit in anywhere. Some call that the Rational Middle (there's even a very nice blog that goes by that name), so I guess I will stick with that.

Still, this political season I've not heard much from the conservative side of the aisle that I can get behind. I'm all for spending cuts. I think the government is obligated to  spend every dollar required to manifest it's role an responsibility as outlined in the Constitution and not one penny more. It's the definition of those roles and responsibilities where the conservative train jumps the tracks for me. But that's not a new discussion. Those definitions have been up for debate even before the ink was dry on the first printing of the Constitution and that's not going to change any time soon.

I think we've played far too loose with tax cuts over the last thirty years and those chickens have come home to roost. Likewise with the loosening of regulations in finance and banking. A profit motive is right up there with sex in the categories of "why people make bad choices". Neither are bad in and of themselves but great googly moogly folks, people will throw their mother under the bus if they let there desire for more money (or sex) become the determining and driving force in their life.

In today's climate, those two areas right there mark me a liberal democrat. I'm not crazy about the label. It does a disservice to hard core liberal democrats everywhere and I hope they don't get mad for me being put in their camp. 

Lots of folks feel that the exact opposite is the good, positive and profitable direction to take. Me? Not so much.

Woody Allen Interviews Billy Graham

An absolutely stunning interview between Woody Allen and Billy Graham from back in the late 60's or early 70's.

Part 1

Part 2

Here's the Washington Post article that references the interview

 

 

Don't Be A Big Baby

It was an interesting day today, Tuesday November 08, 2011. My buddy came by to go over some invoices that I had sent him. After we got that all sorted out he told me that the next invoice I send him would be the last one . . .

The recurring editing work that I've been able to do since the end of June is coming to an end. That's the nature of freelance work. I knew that going in. I'm very grateful for it and for the other gigs that have come my way over the last four months. I don't have anything to feel bad about. I have more in my life than two or three billion folks do. In fact, compared to the people that I know from my times in Sudan, Rwanda and Congo I'm a freaking bajillionaire. To them, I'm the one percenter. Like most things in life it's relative. It's a matter of perspective. It's the way the ball bounces.

Still, I'm sad to see this particular gig go away. It was actually interesting more often than not. It was something that was well within my editing ability so it was the perfect gig to have to get me back up to speed. Also, it was for a friend who is a really good friend and a good guy. For those reasons alone it was a very good thing to have come my way. Especially at this point in time. There is a possibility that it might continue on for a short period but only if it's picked up by one of the other players. As a result of this latest news, I did finally make my way over to the Texas Workforce Commission and begin the process of applying for unemployment benefits. That was interesting.

It wasn't as weird or as awkward as I thought it might be . . . but it was still an odd experience. After I completed all the paperwork and clicked on the submit button I made my way over to the workintexas.com website. Oh joy. Here's another new and interesting experience I can cross off my bucket list. By the way, one of the things on my bucket list is to go to Burning Man. Of course, the only way that will happen is if Lisa sheds this mortal coil before I do and I'm not too old and feeble to get myself to Black Rock. Yeah, it's a bunch of wacky folks who don't fit into the mainstream who gather together once a year and create their own mainstream. Sounds like my kind of folks. Don't worry Mom, if I go, I will be sure and wear lots of sunblock and keep myself hydrated.

So I browsed around the workintexas.com site and searched for suitable jobs. If I wasn't such a positive, happy-go-lucky, not-a-care-in-the-world type of guy I would find a way to end it all now in a way so that Lisa could still collect all the insurance money. Seriously, I have no intention of doing anything like that so calm down. It's just part of my hyperbolic character. I like to mix a little drama queen in with the happy-go-lucky stuff now and then just to keep things fresh.

Anyway, I will see how the whole Texas Workforce Commission thing goes. You can probably count on hearing about that in the future hear at the Loud Loft. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue "other opportunities" and keep myself busy. There are lots of things I can do. Some of them are around the house in a "honey-do list" kind of way. Some others are ways I can serve my friends and help out with a few things that are going on in their lives.

What was especially interesting today was that this morning I got a private message on Facebook from a friend who said that he was "just thinking about you and trusting you will have an encouraging day." I had to laugh because I didn't see the message until after my other friend had come by to give me the news about the end of the freelance gig. Timing is everything. I actually I think I appreciated it more seeing it later in the morning rather than first thing. It had a bit more impact that way.

God is funny that way. I've learned to appreciate his sense of humor even though he can be a big baby about things at times . . .

JK

It's The End Of The News As We Know It . . . And I don't Feel Fine

Sorry REM, I had to highjack your song. Once it got in my head there was no turning back.

I remember watching the TV in our little two bedroom apartment in East Ridge Tennessee. There was horribly ugly shag carpeting and whatever passed for basic appliances in the kitchen and bathroom. The air conditioning unit in the hall closet used to leak water and we would actually have mushrooms growing in the carpet in the adjacent bedroom closet. Nice.

It was a Magnavox Color TV (a sixteen inch screen as I recall) that my parents had bought me when I went off to college. It was hooked up to a cable box that had a rotary dial on the front, no remote of course. It was Sunday afternoon at 5:00PM on June the first, 1980. I had been working at the TV station for a little less than a year.

I "think" I was watching WTBS. It had been called WTCG until the summer before. In December of 1976 it became the first local TV station to uplink it's program feed to a satellite and enable nationwide deliver of what, until then, was a completly local process. I say "think" because I was watching the launch of CNN and I don't know if our cable system was carrying the actual CNN channel at that time. Either way, Ted Turner said a few words and then the husband and wife team of David Walker and Lois Hart anchored the first program . . . and the landscape of national news was changed forever.

There will be folks who read this who have much more experience in the news business than I.  Mine is limited to working for a couple of TV stations in mid-size markets for about ten years. I wasn't even in the News Department for that matter. I did all kinds of production work including Directing/Editing/Writing and what not for commercials and station promotions. Still, being on the outside looking in gave me, what I think is, a much better perspective than being right in the thick of things.

There are a three key things you have to know about the news business and it's the same whether it's local or national. First, the news programs reason for existence is to sell soap. The more eyeballs that they can deliver to the advertiser the better. Second, all communication (not just news) reflects the societal, cultural, sociological and environmental bias of the folks who do the communicating. There are efforts made to balance that bias  . . . but it's going to be there to some degree no matter what steps are taken to offset that bias. Third, all communication reflects the personality of the person(s) writing the checks.

If you accept and appreciate the implications of these three things it will make your perspective of what passes for news each day a bit more clear. In other words, it won't crawl up your ass like a big old bug.

Research groups from all perspectives annually generate gigabytes of data on which news organization is liberal, conservative, trusted, not trusted, favorable, unfavorable and collate that information based on the liberal/conservative/neither demographics of the folks providing the research.

I don't really care because I accept the three key things as stated above. Does Fox News Channel have a conservative point of view? Does MSNBC present a liberal perspective? Is CNN somewhere in the middle depending upon which way the wind is blowing? Yeah. Is it important? Only if you've decided that you're going to let a corporation, beholden to share holders and at the direction of Executives who's salary and bonuses are determined by ad revenue form your opinion.

I have folks who indulge my literary "jones" by reading this stuff who hail from across the political spectrum. I have liberals over here. Conservatives over there, a smattering of the Rational Middle and others who really don't care one way or the other. I have folks who really believe that there is an organized liberal media hell-bent on destroying the country by spreading lies. I have others who really believe that there is a conservative plot to strip all citizens of their rights under the constitution and sell them to the highest bidder.

I believe that the only conspiracy at hand is to bring up the numbers to sell more soap by identifying which demographic is most inclined to hear what they want to hear and then telling them exactly that.

This didn't begin on June 1st, 1980. However, up till then we only had to put up with it a few hours a day. First it was CNN, then CNN Headline News for those with ADD. Other variations came and went until Fox News and MSNBC came on the scene in 1996. That's when the tabloid format really began to take hold and "responsible" journalism (i.e the one's that even attempted to present itself without bias) hopped on that slippery slope to Hades.

I would be delighted if the earth opened up and swallowed the 24 hour news channels. They've become a beast with an insatiable appetite that has a love affair with the tabloid format, is in a serious relationship with stating the obvious over and over and over again and enjoys hooking up with whatever it takes to sell the soap, increase the ratings and meet the revenue goals.

I feel sad because as I watched Ted Turner launch CNN I was excited about the possibilities and opportunities it would bring. Now I tolerate it because the alternatives are such dreck.

Raising Sierra

A little over a year ago I went to an Artist Retreat at the Laity Lodge just south of Kerrville Texas. It was a great event and I would have liked to go back this year if my circumstances where different. One of the things that came out of the retreat was a re-kindling of my love for writing. I don't know that I'm particularly talented but I have my moments every now and then when I read something that I wrote and think it's pretty good. I have had a few other folks tell me I'm pretty good and I appreciate that a great deal.

One thing that I've rarely written is fiction. I don't have a real reason one way or the other why not . . . I just never did. 

One night after I got back from that retreat I had a dream about the story of a young girl, her parents and the rather unconventional life that they lead. I got up the next morning and wrote a short that I titled "The Party". It was very, very strange writing in the character of a female. The protagonist of the story is the young girl who is also the narrator and voice of the piece. I sat it aside for a couple of months while ideas percolated and bounced around my brain. 

Then, over the course of a long weekend at a friend's lake house it started to come together. It ended up being ten chapters worth of story but only about 8,700 words so, by most measures, it falls into the short story category. It's not close to being finished so it "might" hit the 50,000 word count - which is the minimum number to qualify in the National Novel Writing Month campaign that takes place every November. If you consider yourself a writer you should check it out. Of course, it's already the fourth day of November and you have to average over 1,600 words a day to hit that number.

The story begins on the day the girl turns sixteen. The rest of the story she recounts her life from earliest memory up to present day. At this point in her life she's married with a couple of kids and a husband who has no idea about her unusual life with her parents.

I've decided to go back and take a look at it all and I'm considering releasing a chapter at a time on my blog. I need to flesh out each of the ten (very short) chapters with more storyline . . . some of them are a little skimpy. Still, it was a prodigious amount of writing for me considering it's way more fiction than I've ever written.

Here's the very, very weird part. Like I said earlier, the main character is a girl. Actually it's a thirty-something women telling her story from childhood to present day. As you might have noticed . . . I am the proud bearer of the X chromosome. I have to rely on my imagination, my powers of observation and all that time leafing through those copies of Glamour, Allure, Mademoiselle and Vogue that Lisa left around the house to conjure up a female voice in my head. That I have to share the story of a teenage girl is, ummm, new for me. There is also the college and post college woman's voice that must be used. I'm REALLY in new territory here.

When pretty much all that you've ever written is non-fiction or spit flying rants, it makes getting in touch with your feminine side (as a writer anyway) a challenge. Luckily, the female character is such an unusual person that I think I'm able to get away with it. Even though it's a female voice, the character is very much in touch with her masculine side and no I don't need to put quotation marks around masculine side. All women have a masculine side just as all men have a feminine side. While gender is determined at conception we all sort of start with the same material and those wacky X and Y chromosomes determine our physical characteristics.

Anyway, it's really odd writing entirely from a female voice. I hope it doesn't sound false. There is the notion of the tough female with male attributes (I'm not talking physical here . . . get you mind out the gutter) all through out fiction. I give you Lara Croft, Tomb Raider or Alice from the Resident Evil series as modern examples. The woman in my story isn't quite in their league but she can still take care of herself without needing anyone to save her.

Look for these to start popping up one chapter at a time in a few weeks.

Oh yeah, her name is Sierra.

To be continued.

Permanent Marker

I remember the first time I ever heard the phrase "permanent marker". I was confused. I was just a little boy and confusion is a normal state of mind for children. Seriously, if you're learning that much every day you have to be constantly either confused or amazed by all that's going on around you. Well, that and anxious about when that next bowl of Fruit Loops was going to drop or where the next two slices of that pastry/jelly goodness known as Pop Tarts was coming from.

But seriously, "permanent marker?" How could that be? What wacky scientist at Dow Labs came up with an ink so intense that once applied it would be impossible to remove? I mean, I could see the need for such a thing but I wasn't clear on the concept of "permanent". All I could think of was "how permanent? Permanent permanent? Sort of permanent? Permanent until you scrubbed it with the anti-permanent solution?"

That I even pondered such a thing did not bode well for my future. I've always wanted to know "how". I don't really give a $#@% about the "why".

That pretty much sums up how I've looked at life (but not from both sides now . . . obscure 60's folk song reference. Actually, I tend to always look at things from at least two points of view so damn it, I guess I have looked at life from both sides now)

Anyway.

I've always wanted to know more about "things" . . . which is not limited to explaining a permanent marker to a six year old kid. I'm an inquisitive sort. I like to ask questions of people and find out what makes them tick. How did their choices affect their life? What was the their effect? I wanted to show off the proper use of affect vs. effect but who's kidding who here? Besides grammarians who really cares? I think I would have been a good journalist (if that had been the case then the editor would have cared) because I'm a good listener. I also talk a lot, but only when I know something about the topic on hand.

Still, the concept of a permanent marker is interesting. If you Google "what makes a permanent marker permanent" you will find out how what makes it a permanent marker along with which surfaces it is more permanent and which surfaces it is less permanent. How crushing. You mean there are levels of permanence? And there are ways to remove permanent markers? What the hell is this world coming too when you can't take things at face value!

Seriously, imagine trying to explain a permanent marker to a six year old. I'm thinking you leave the subtleties aside and just go with permanent being permanent. Later, after the kid has learned to process facts and make rational decisions . . . wait, based on what I read on the intertubes and see on TV that's not going to be a reliable yardstick.

So, I learned at a very young age that things were not always what they seemed. I also learned that my Mom was very capable of making the point that you don't use a permanent marker to write on the sofa. I guess that's two things I learned at a very young age. Which was basically when you do something wrong . . . even when you don't fully understand all the implications of what the "wrong" thing is, there can be/will be consequences. Well, there would be if you had parents like mine. They seemed to be real focused on educating their kids on what was wrong, what was right and that choices had consequences. Real consequences. No do-overs. No "everybody gets a trophy who tries".

When I find myself talking with what passes for young adults these days I often find myself saying "oh I get it, you must still think people other than your parents think you are special". It may just be the old man in me talking but it seems like I find myself saying that a lot.

At this point I could get all philosophical about how the level of permanence of our choices are dictated by the level of permanence of the consequences but I think I've "been there - done that" enough recently :)

PS My pen of choice is a .05mm Pilot G2. It's permanent enough for me these days. I don't have a sword of choice which is probably a good thing at this time of my life . . . what with it leaving more of a permanent mark.